Mate Responsibilities

Essential

• Find me fascinating.
• Think I'm cool.
• Explore life's peculiarities with me.
• Understand the purpose for which God created me (this is how Nicolás Gómez Dávila describes love).
• Help me navigate our weird timeline / the Kali Yuga.
• Laugh at my jokes.
• Give me an heir and/or open to adoption.
• Listen to me complain about stuff.
• Give me your surname, heart, body, mind, soul, DNA, remaining fries, etc.

Nice-to-haves

• Dress in a sleazecore kinda way (think Ricky from Trailer Park Boys).
• Enjoy cooking (I'm not really a fan...)
• Grab the net when I catch a decent fish and take a photo.
• Be open to exploring altered states of consciousness together...

My family life was/is a bit messed up, so I'd really like a wholesome guy with Flanders-energy to cancel out the fuckery of that. I think I must have "daddy issues" but in an Uno Reverse card kinda way.

No experience is necessary for this position. Short kings are welcome to apply.